desert_vixen's lair

I have read my last letter in the Army Times written by a condescending idiot. I'm firing back this time.

Did you know female soldiers get pregnant out of wedlock so they can get more uniforms and TENNIS SHOES?

I guess I know what I'm writing tonight....

ETA: Here's the letter. The letter is in italics, I'm in plain. I also changed the icon to reflect the letter.

I find the question regarding the female soldier refusing to deploy because the lack of a family care plan not only discriminating but outright ridiculous. The Army regulation on family care plans is black and white and if the Army even considers any favoritism because the soldier is a female then the whole regulation needs to be rewritten.

In March 2003, my ex-wife left me, leaving me without a family care plan and set to deploy to Iraq. The question to me was "Find your ex, give the kids back and go to war...or get out." There was no question of me being a single father with three children. Why is there consideration for this specialist?

Point 1: This guy was screwed by his command. If he became a single parent, then they should have given him the thirty days to get an FCP together. I don't care how close to the deployment it was - that's the regulation. You know, the black and white one? I have worked with several single father soldiers, so I'm either calling BS on his story or saying this: His command failed him.

Point 2: The specialist HAD an FCP. It failed. The person designated as the long-term provider did a flake on her. Based on what I've read, her command failed her.

Why is the Army allowing female soldiers to remain in the Army by getting pregnant out wedlock?

Because it's not the pre-1970s Army, maybe? My ex's mother was in the Army and was separated when she became pregnant with her first child. We don't do it that way anymore. We don't treat unmarried female soldiers differently than we treat dual-military female soldiers. Why? Well, that would be...discrimination!

We have single female soldiers getting pregnant and I believe because they know they only won't have to deploy, but they get more uniforms. tennis shoes and months of convalescent time.

This is the line that made me lose it. No, they don't pull women out of the recovery room and put them on the plane, but female soldiers who are moms also get deployed. Even single soldier moms. They deployed me.

More uniforms - which previously at least, we had to turn in. (I don't know if we get to keep the maternity ACUs.) Not to mention - NO ONE WANTS THESE UNIFORMS. No one wants to wear a BDU or ACU tent.

And I didn't get my tennis shoes. Who do I file a complaint with? To be fair, I think he means we get to wear tennis shoes, which many of us don't. The tennis shoes are supposed to help with swelling issues. I'll be honest - I had to sit on the floor to lace my boots, but I would have rather done that than worn tennis shoes with my uniform. But that's me.

Months of convalescent leave. I can only assume that he's referring to the APFT exemption, for which we get six months. Otherwise, the Army gives us 6 weeks. People can take more if they have it, and their command approves. As far as the APFT exemption, I'd like to see this guy gain 40 pounds, not run for six months, totally get his abs out of shape, and then have to get back into APFT shape. It's not a damn vacation, I promise you.

Don't get me wrong, to female soldiers who are married and are trying to build a family, God bless and best of luck.

To quote the movie Clue, "Too late." I took you wrong. I'm so glad we have your approval.

But the single females getting pregnant should be separated for destruction of government property, and breach of contract being unable to fulfill their obligation to the Army.

So, what about the cases where a female soldier was impregnated by a male soldier? Does he get charged too? Pregnancy takes two - it's not like we go to the store and pick up a pregnancy. Luckily, the Army disagrees with this person. Also, this comment reeks of "stupid girls should have kept their legs shut". Just what I want to hear out of my fellow NCOs.

I recently reclassed and while in AIT three soldiers got pregnant and laughed stating they won't have to go to war now.

So, let me get this straight. Some women made a flip remark, or maybe a joke, about not deploying. If they weren't joking, they're wrong. Soldier moms go to war too, so the joke will be on them in the end.

As long as the Army condones this, others will have to take up the slack of these so-called soldiers.

It's also another episode of one of my favorites - one woman's screwup is held against the rest of us. It's That Girl! You know her. She's the one who oopsed someone's buddy, or filed a false rape report to get even with a bad date, or got made because a guy held the door. She's the one who causes all the problems for the rest of us. Too bad she's made of straw.

So the question is, what should the Army do now? Stick to the policies and regulations that are in place for every soldier in the Army and make her deploy, or if she is in her first enlistment, give her a general discharge and a handshake and make her take responsibility for her actions.

If she can't get an FCP together, then yes, she should be separated. If she gets it together, then she deploys.

Anything else would be a disgrace.

No, the disgrace would be that these attitudes are still hanging around.

The writer is a SSG at Fort Carson.

So I am going to write the Times, along with this entry.

I'm a single mom, and a senior NCO, and tired of this attitude. I'm NOT a single mom by choice - I'm a single mom because my husband came home from his deployment and decided husband and father were two jobs he couldn't handle. So this guy would probably be "okay" with me. I don't give a damn, and I could care less about his approval.

DV

 This is more serious than the other two.

Yes, They Really Do Exist

Hey, women, wake up! Face the fact that you are the more vulnerable of the two sexes. Face the fact that your dress, your manner and your behavior can be provocative. Realize that men are not real smart and that they are programmed to respond to sexy women. Sometimes, those men haven't the where-with-all to understand the word, 'no.' Just as everyone should avoid 'occasions of sin,' women should avoid occasions of sexual stupidity.

So, once again, we have the "men are animals who can't control themselves" argument.  Yet, they continue to claim that it is FEMINISTS who hate men.

There may be some actual real-live feminists who hate all men - I have not met any of them, but they may exist.

But these people who think men "can't help it"?  Pardon me if I think they dislike men.  And if men can't control themselves, how in the f*ck are they qualified to run everything?

Yes, women may dress provocative.  They may act provocative.  They may do stupid things. 

RAPE IS NOT A PUNISHMENT FOR ANY OF THESE.
RAPE IS NOT A PUNISHMENT FOR ANY OF THESE.
RAPE IS NOT A PUNISHMENT FOR ANY OF THESE.

Men do have the capability to understand no.  Some of them just have situations where they choose NOT to.

DV

So, Washington University in St. Louis is presenting Phyllis Schlafly with a honorary doctrate.  It wouldn't be my choice, but I'm not the one making it. 

She did an interview with their school paper which makes for some interesting reading.

Phyllis Schlafly Interview

What do you mean when you say, "Feminists want women to think that they can't succeed"?

Everything that they are teaching in Women's Studies and in those courses is that women are victims and that marriage is unfair to women and that it makes them second-class, that men are naturally batterers and that if you get married you'll probably get beaten up. It's a dreary picture that they paint for women of the life of a married women or a mother.

I guess I missed that class. 

So you see the feminist position as saying that there is one acceptable path for women in the world, the path of the career woman?

That's right. Because they think that if you give them the choice, too many will pick getting married.

The two options are not always exclusive.  It is possible to have both career and family.  Men have been doing it for ages... oh wait.

Could you clarify some of the statements that you made in Maine last year about martial rape?

I think that when you get married you have consented to sex. That's what marriage is all about, I don't know if maybe these girls missed sex ed. That doesn't mean the husband can beat you up, we have plenty of laws against assault and battery. If there is any violence or mistreatment that can be dealt with by criminal prosecution, by divorce or in various ways. When it gets down to calling it rape though, it isn't rape, it's a he said-she said where it's just too easy to lie about it.

"I think that when you get married you have consented to sex."  It's not a blanket consent form.  Being married does NOT mean that women have to give it up anytime he wants it.  If she never wants to have sex, then you have bigger issues that probably require counseling.  Or there's always talking about the subject.  There may be a physical or emotional reason that can be dealt with.

"That doesn't mean the husband can beat you up, we have plenty of laws against assault and battery."  OK - so it's okay for him to force you to have sex (whether physically or by nagging you into it), but it's not okay for him to hit you.  I have to tell you, I think the former is far more damaging than the latter one.  And really, if you have to nag your partner into it, what is the point?

 I mean, I have to admit here - there was a fairly long period where I just did not feel like having sex after I had my daughter (well after the six week mark).  I just didn't feel any desire to, at all.  It may have been hormonal.  I missed feeling like I wanted to have sex, and I'm grateful that my husband was understanding and didn't let his frustration become an issue between the two of us. 

 But honestly, if one partner is just submitting out of duty, is it really worth it?

To me, though, this is the saddest bit: "That's what marriage is all about"

Funny.  I thought marriage was about partnership.  And love, which may be expressed through sex.  It may also be expressed by a husband getting up on the 2AM feeding so his wife can sleep, or by a wife doing something similar for a husband. 

Marriage is about more than sex - it's about being partners.

And then she accuses feminists of wanting to keep marital rape in the grab-bag of goodies.

Sometimes, I really just find other people depressing.

DV

At least, I know this female soldier is.

1) Women aren't in combat.  Okay, not in direct combat.  Okay, not in direct combat UNITS.  And if they are, and they happen to get a Silver Star, we'll yank them out because God forbid we expose women to that kind of danger.  The fact is, there's not really a defined battlefield anymore, and the old regs are just that.  They're old.  They don't apply so well. 

2) Women can't be in combat arms (CA) units because they're weaker than men.  Or because the men can't be trusted to ignore the instinct that says, "Protect the woman at all costs".  They won't be able to keep up.  They'll destroy unit cohesion.  OMG, they menstruate!

I am NOT saying that I, myself, personally, would want to be in a CA unit.  I wouldn't.  I don't think I could make the physical qualifications.  But there are female soldiers I have worked with who could have done that.  Who wanted to do it.  And I think they should be given the chance to try.

3) The Army says it's okay to deploy a woman's who just given birth 4-6 months ago.  Despite the fact that her body is likely not physically recovered from the pregnancy/childbirth experience.  Despite the fact that this plays merry hell with her bonding with her infant.  Despite the fact that other services allow up to 12 months before a woman is deployable again.

I have a feeling that the root of this is the belief that if there's a really long grace period after childbirth, women will game the system.

Again, one of the reasons I'm getting out is because no, I don't like the prospect of spending a year away from my child.  I'll be doing it, but I'm also voting with my feet the next time I get a chance.  I tried it, I don't like it.

4) Insulting male soldiers by calling them "girls", or "ladies".  Implying that they're weak, like women.

5) Sexual assault prevention training that focuses on all the things the victim should NOT do (most of which is sensible advice), but never includes the slide that says:

 Men: Don't Rape.
           Don't keep buying drinks for someone who's already impaired.
           Don't let your buddies do either of the above.

Sorry, got a little ranty and venty there.  But still.  Truth is truth.

DV